I'm not going to be that girl anymore.

I once heard that your personality is determined by the person you are on any given day. That doesn't mean your best day or your worst day. It doesn't include the person you wish you could be. On any given day, what kind of person are you?

I had to face this question myself last Friday. I was really down on myself and the last thing I wanted to do was go to my small group cookout surrounded by lots of people I barely knew. I tried to imagine the scenario if I were to turn on the light, roll out of bed, and drive myself to Anderson for this thing. I pictured myself sitting in a corner pouting, possibly munching down on way too many Doritos, expecting someone to come to my rescue. It was a scenario I'd lived out hundreds of times before, so why not do it again?

Then I started thinking further...These people don't know me yet. They don't know that I'm funny, smart, enthusiastic, or quirky. All they know is what I show them on the outside; the person I am on a day-to-day basis. It hit me that none of those good qualities mean anything if I'm not living them out. If I allow the above scenario to be played out over and over again, I will be "that girl who is always sad." Nobody wants to be friends with that girl. "That's not me," I thought...but if you think about it, that really IS me...that's the person I was throughout most of last week.

With my new revelation suddenly taking over my body, I hopped out of bed, flicked on the light, and I went to that cookout. Not as "that girl who is always sad", but as "that girl who's pretty funny." It ended up being an amazing night!

It's funny, because as Christians we make it a point to model Jesus' behavior to the world around us. We expect others to see our sparkling personalities and go after the relationship that we have with Him. If we aren't consistent with this behavior, though, how are we ever going to be good Christian role models? Therefore, as friends and/or readers of my blog, it is now your responsibility on days when I'm having a pity party to walk up to me, flick me on the back of the head, and say "Morgan, you are being that girl."

If I'm not portraying this level of happiness at all times, please let me know.

Looking for love happiness in all the wrong places

Have you ever been looking for something that you just can't find? You know you've seen it millions of times over the last few days, but you just can't seem to remember where? How can we open the same drawer 20 times and not recognize the objects that are inside? That's because you can't see something you're not looking for. We rummage through a pile of junk seeking out a particular object, and that's the only object we pull out. We do the same thing with our attitudes and the way we view the world.

I had one of the toughest days yesterday that I've had in a long time. I was anxious and depressed to the point of panic, and I allowed it to escalate all day simply because I kept dwelling on the fact that I was feeling that way. I let my thoughts take over my head until I wasn't even involved in the world around me anymore. It was then that I decided I was just going to take all the negative thoughts, accept them, and push them aside. If we are only looking for the negative, depressing aspects of our lives, of course that's wall we're going to see. On the other hand, if we train ourselves to seek out the positive, all the negative junk is going to get left behind in the drawer.

I know what you're thinking. It's a lot easier said than done. Well, I'm not saying it's easy at all. I'm just saying that of all the things in this world that we have absolutely NO control over, why not make an attempt to control the one thing over which we do have power? Our attitudes. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to be depressed. It's even ok to be angry. What's not ok is when you let that sadness, that depression, or that anger take hold of you and block out everything that's good. When you start to feel negative, tell yourself "ok, you're feeling ____, and that's ok." and let it go. Stop looking for the tape when what you really need is the scissors. Otherwise, you're going to miss them, and when you need them you won't remember where to find them.

Nothing a bottle of wine and a good friend can't fix.

I'm sitting here staring at the clock because I managed to be ready for church 25 minutes early. Therefore, I decided I am way overdue for a blog post.

Anyway, I've had quite a week. I had two tests, and I feel like my word of the week was stress! As if I hadn't had enough, I got a letter yesterday from my scholarship association telling me there was a mistake and I won't be getting my check...that's fantastic considering I have about $50 in my bank account and only get paid about $100 every two weeks from my job. Awesome. But you know what? It's going to be ok. I've been trusting God with my finances for the past couple of years now, and He hasn't led me to a soup kitchen yet. It will be ok!

On the bright side, my friend Amanda from Irmo came to see me this weekend! I think we both needed a weekend of tv, cookies, and wine! We also discovered a Chinese buffet that included sushi. Don't even get me started on the amazing apple pie. I may or may not have had two pieces.

Oh, and I can't believe I almost forgot! I had my first small group meeting last Friday! I met some awesome people, and we all shared a little bit about what brought us to this point in our walks with Christ. I can't wait to see all the things that God does through this group. It's going to be great! I love my church family!

With that said, I hope y'all have a fabulous day! I'm heading to Newspring!

I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long. I'm moving on.

I'm currently standing on a bridge. It's a bridge between my past and my future, and I can't seem to get across. Why is it so hard to leave certain things behind? Why do we hold onto every little thing when we know it will never be the same as it was? Until we are able to walk across that bridge without looking back, we will never be able to cross it. I've crossed many bridges in my life, and each time I've found that I had nothing to fear. God is holding things on the other side that we can't see from where we're standing. Well, I'm tired of walking back and forth. I'm ready to keep my eyes on the other side, burning it as I push myself across. If your life is all about your past, that's all your future will ever be.

A day in the life of a Clemson student.

0500: Woke up before the sun and went to the gym.

0630: Showered and took the best nap of my life.

0730: Hated my alarm clock, but got up and got ready anyway.

0840-1130: Sat in the same room for three straight hours learning about pain, nausea, and community education.

1200: Ate lunch in Hendrix with some awesome nursing buddies! They all ate sushi while I ate my lovely homemade pb&j! Yummmm.

1300-1630: Went to work. By the way, I absolutely LOVE working with Charlton. We crack ourselves up at the front desk while the entire office is quiet. He showed me this video and I almost died laughing. I did cry a little.

1730: Cooked a gourmet meal that consisted of tyson chicken breast tenders and shells n' cheese. It was pretty amazing if I do say so myself. I always get the walmart brand mac n' cheese, because it just seems to be the best. 

1930: CRUSADE SCAVENGER HUNT! It was absolutely awesome. I've never done anything with Campus Crusade, but I must say it was a blast. I met some really awesome people and our team ended up in fourth place! I even got to wade in the reflection pond! 

2100: Late-night Walmart run. We had to pick up supplies for our next activity, meaning we played in Walmart for a good hour or so. We tried on dresses (I bought one!) and looked at Harry Potter silly bands.

2200: Volcano time!!!! Play-do + baking soda + vinegar + a broken red pen = a really good show. 

You can't really see the volcano because Mandy's shirt is so bright, but it's there!

2330: Mischief. There are just certain things you have to do during your time at Clemson, and I finally got to cross off one that involved a little trespassing. Shhhh, don't tell!

0100: Downtown Clemson. As we were driving through downtown, we definitely got mooned by a drunk crossing the street. That's what college is for, I think. We were all wet and hungry, so we stopped at Little Caesar's to share a pepperoni pizza! 

It was definitely an amazing way to end an amazing night!!

Smile :)

I'm so excited right now. My care plan is finished, I have a tummy full of Ben & Jerry's Brownie Batter, and I had an amazing day at clinical today! It is the first day that I actually felt like a nurse. I normally fumble through my papers in search of what to do, poke the patient with my stethoscope and call it an assessment, and awkwardly pat the patient in random areas of the body with a washcloth and say I gave a bed bath.

Today, however, I felt confident. For once, I was in charge of the morning's "activities", and I was very proud of both my assessment and my bed bath! On top of that, I got to give heparin and a PPD! Who knew it'd be so exciting to stab someone with a needle? It was pretty much the highlight of my life, though. Especially since my life right now consists of studying, eating, studying, a little sleeping, more eating, and...studying.

Speaking of which, I have two tests next week. I haven't decided how much I'm going to panic yet, but I'll let you know when I get to that point. I'm going to start my weekend-long study session tomorrow afternoon. Fantastic.

Smile! It's almost Friday :)

I could use another brownie blizzard.

If I have to look at my nursing data sheets for another minute, I'm pretty sure I'll flip out and do one of two things: a) change my major to something that doesn't involve labs or anatomical functions, or b) toss all of my papers into the air in a fit of rage. The latter option is the most probable, but I still think it's a good idea to take a break. On another note, today has been a fairly good day. I got to learn about tourniquets and I met a new patient today! You know what made it even better, though? Mandy and I decided to get brownie batter blizzards (say that 3 times fast) and french fries from DQ on the way back to campus! Allow me to explain the combination to you. The brownie batter itself was heaven in a paper cup. The brownie chunks were phenomenal. They were the kind that get stuck in your teeth but require only a little bit of maneuvering with your tongue to get out. As if this weren't close enough to perfection, the french fries were an amazing addition. They had the perfect crispy to floppy ratio. Very few fast food places can handle that. Either you end up with fries so crispy that you break a tooth trying to bite into them, or they are so floppy that you might as well whip up some mashed potatoes. Way to go, Dairy Queen. You accomplished the impossible.

Three things I've Learned about God

Today was an average, but a beautiful day! After research I went to the doctor to have a mole removed. I really wanted to watch him cut it off with the scalpel but I couldn't see over my rather large breast. Anyway, it's a little weird to know a part of my body is gone! I've grown rather attached to that particular mole! I suppose it's for the best! Anyway, when I got back I did a little homework, watched Wife Swap, and dominated half of a pepperoni pizza. I legitimately ate 4 slices by myself. It looks like tomorrow I'll have some extra motivation to go to the gym, but it was definitely worth every bite!

Before I close, I want to add something that I've realized lately. I've been going through some stuff over the past few weeks/months, and I want to share some things I've learned about God through my experiences.

1) No matter what, He never leaves my side.
I can feel so lonely that it seems I'm the only person left on the planet, but His presence is still felt. Even when I'm at the lowest of lows, I can still turn to Him and find the strength to keep going. I've doubted Him, rejected Him, and disobeyed Him...but He never lets go. When I come out on the other side, I can almost hear Him saying "I told you we'd get through this. You never should have doubted me."

2) He never closes a door without opening a window.
I know, this is such a cliche. I've come to realize, though, that cliches are cliches for a reason. Seriously, though. Every single time something has happened in my life that has made me feel like I'm at a dead end, God always shows me a new path. He will never leave you stranded somewhere without the resources to make your way through it. I just have to remind myself that everything that happens is a part of His plan. Even when things seem to be going "all wrong" according to MY plan, they are going "all perfectly" according to HIS plan.

3) He uses our circumstances to teach us lessons.
I can't even describe how many times I have found myself in the same type of situation, only to recover and end up back where I started. It isn't until the 4th or 5th time I find myself faced with the same type of problem that I realize God is trying to teach me some kind of lesson. Think about it in terms of a test you would take for class. Your professors aren't going to ask you questions that you already know. They are purposefully going to challenge you with questions you can think about and learn from. God does the same thing in our lives. He isn't going to allow us to sit comfortably and live life without challenges. He's going to identify our weaknesses and force us to face them head on.

Alright, now that I've gotten that out, it's time to work off my pizza hangover and start typing a paper...gross.

Advice for the day: Know your limits.

I've been a slacker when it comes to posting every day, but I've been pretty busy. My dad's 50th birthday celebration was Saturday, and we were outside by the pool stuffing our faces until around 10:00. Then on Sunday I went to Newspring and watched Justin and Brittan get BAPTIZED!!! Amen! After that, I went back over to my dad's for an hour or so to do a little swimming, headed back to Tiger town, and finished off the weekend with a little bit of homework! Exciting, right?

Now that we're caught up, I'm going to discuss limits. We all have them, but few of us recognize our own. Take me, for instance. I'm running on the treadmill (at 5:30 AM)...I normally alternate running and walking using five minute intervals. Today, however, I decided I was going to run the whole time. I ignored my racing heart, the sweat pouring out all over my skin, and and fact that I was gasping for air. It wasn't until I got off the treadmill that I realized I'd exceeded my limit. I'm pretty sure it's not normal for a human being to sweat as much as I have this morning. I have enough salt and water dripping from my shoulder blades to support a wide variety of sea life. Not to mention, I feel on the verge of passing out or throwing up...hopefully not simultaneously.

So why do we push ourselves past our limits? I'll tell you why. We set unrealistic expectations of ourselves and we feel like we've failed if we don't meet them. As for me, my expectations are PERFECTLY realistic...by next week, I'll look like this:

I've overwhelmed by all the similarities already...

TGIF!!

Let me start off by saying TGIF, for real!! This has been a long, crazy week! I also can't believe I have stuck with my 5am workout routine for three full weeks now! I have lost 11 pounds, and still have 14 to go before my goal weight! I can do it! I drove to Chapin today to spend the evening with two of my favorite girls (Brittan and Miss Madi). We ate at Fatz...absolutely amazing, by the way! I drove past a Fatz sign somewhere near Newberry and just had to have it. 2 rolls, a salad, one medium rare steak, and a ton of cheese fries later, we also decided we had to have ice cream at Coldstone. I can't think of anything that would have made the evening better...well, except maybe Gerard Butler.

Tomorrow I'm stopping by my mom and stepdad's to wish him a happy birthday! Then I'm headed to my dad and stepmom's new house to celebrate my dad and aunt's birthdays! What I REALLY can't wait for, though, is Sunday! My cousin Brittan and her husband are getting baptized at church! How exciting!! I can't wait to see them publicly declare Jesus as their savior!

Somewhere in all that, I suppose I'll have to get some reading done for class.

Brittan and me on the way to Fatz!!

Brittan and Madi

My Halloween costume

And finally...the tote bag I ordered has arrived!! So excited :)

My nursing care plan.

Alas, the nursing student in me has surfaced and I did not have time to write an entry yesterday. My life has been consumed by data sheets, med profiles, and care plans for the last two nights, and I can honestly say I may lose my mind soon. To ensure that temporary (or prolongued) insanity does not occur, I have developed a nursing care plan for myself. Here it goes.

Assessment: Patient is presenting with restlessness and hostility. She reports a rapid increase in food consumption and the feeling that her personal life has been "literally sucked out of her".

Diagnosis: deficient diversional activity r/t nursing coursework aeb feelings of restlessness and hostility and report of overeating

Goal: The patient will participate in one extracurricular activity that does not involve a textbook, a stethoscope, or the Nurse's Pocket Guide to Diagnoses, Prioritized Interventions, and Rationales aeb patient reporting a decreased feeling of insanity by 09/05/10.

Interventions: Provide for periodic changes in the personal environment. Rationale: Sitting in one spot for too long will cause the client to do self-destructive things with her bandage scissors. Suggest activities such as bird baths for bird watching, a garden window box, or a fish bowl. Rationale: to stimulate observation and involvement in activity.

Evaluation: 09/02/10 Evaluation is ongoing.

Would you look at that? I'm already following through with my nursing interventions.