Out of the darkness and into the light!

For the past several years, I have been hanging out in a dark room. The walls are covered with snapshots of my past, all the things that have ever torn me down. I've spent my time hanging up new snapshots, ones I've forgotten or ones I resurfaced just to remind myself that I will never be any more than that. Occasionally I will step out into the hall for some fresh air. I will momentarily forget about this dark room I've left behind, but I always go back.

Something inside me changed today. I have stepped out of the dark room and am confidently walking down the hallway toward the brightly lit doorway at the end of the corridor. I had my psychiatric clinical today, and those few hours we spent there gave me an entirely new perspective on life. I have never seen so many troubled people in one place before. Each person had a story, a dark room that they too were hiding out in. My heart broke for them, knowing that I could not coax them out myself.

One woman's story had a particularly significant impact on me. While I can't reveal the details, I can say that as I was listening to her story, I began to realize just how much I have taken for granted in my life. Not only do I have a car to drive, an apartment to live in, and food to eat. Even more importantly, I have people who love me, a career path I'm passionate about, and my sanity. I'd been so busy hanging up snapshots of bad memories and heartache that I failed to notice the ones being hung outside in the hallway. I've created at least a year's worth of beautiful, happy, life-altering memories that I have failed to recognize up until this point.

At one point in the conversation, I asked her to tell me more about her depression. She looked at me and said "That's right, because you wouldn't know what that feels like." That comment cut straight through me like a knife. I do know what that feels like. That's what I wanted to say, but I didn't. For the first time in the history of my life, I was able to separate my past from my present. I was able to put my old issues aside and focus on the current issues of someone else. I was transformed from the girl who needed someone to listen to the girl who was listening to someone who needed it.

There are so many more things I could share about what I've realized today, but I've probably already lost you in this textbook of an entry! Basically, today is the day I have decided to experience joy in the new life that God has given me. I will no longer hang snapshots of my past to remind me of the hard times, but I will begin a collage of my new memories to remind me that I have a new life in Christ.