Studying for God's tests.

There's something I've never quite understood.

Here's how school works: someone tells you something new and then they test you on how well you can apply what you've learned. If you pass, the teacher goes onto the next lesson. Great. However, if you fail...the teacher still goes onto the next lesson.

Does that make sense to anyone? The kids who didn't learn the first time are basically screwed out of luck. Hopefully that topic will never appear later in life. What's amazing to me, though, is that God doesn't do that. Like a teacher, He also gives us lessons and tests us. When we pass, he entrusts us with another lesson. When we fail, however, He doesn't just move on. He tests us again. and again. and again.

That just blows my mind! It took me such a long time to figure this out. After years of running into the exact same problem over and over again, I finally realized that God was putting me in these situations repeatedly to see if I'd learned from the previous ones.

If we don't learn from the trials we go through, we can never move onto the next step, the next lesson, or the next test that God has planned for us. You have to pass algebra before you can move on to calculus!

So after you learn the lesson, pass a few tests, the next step is an exam. It tests your application of things that you already know. It tests to see if you remember what you learned. I like to think of my life right now as my exam. I have taken MULTIPLE tests on the same lesson, but I have yet to pass one with a grade that I would call satisfactory. I have been discouraged lately, feeling like God is giving me yet another one of these tests on the same topic. I found myself asking Him why He would do this to me again! Then I realized...I am passing this one. He had to do one final test, an exam, to make sure I could remember and apply everything.

It's no coincidence that our problems seem to follow us everywhere. God is testing us. He's pounding the knowledge into our heads in hopes that one day we will pass the test. Only when you pass one test will He begin to prepare you for another.

My life as of late.

Things have been pretty crazy lately, which explains why I haven't posted in about a month (has it really been that long??). I have been super busy with school and haven't really had a moment to breathe yet alone think of something significant to write a blog post about!

Rather than rambling about how all the areas of my life are intersecting right now, I'll satisfy my OCD and make a nice list. Here it goes.

Operation: Lose Weight
My friend Amy and I started P90X on Monday and did it all week. Proud? I am. It's the most intense workout I've ever done, but I feel so good about myself when it's over. We took before pictures and I can't wait to take my after pictures a couple months down the road and see the change! I've been trying to work the "depression weight" off for a few years now and it's finally time to put it behind me. We're only a week in, so it is going to be difficult to find the motivation every day, but that's where love and support from friends comes in!

Bible Study
I joined a new bible study a couple of weeks ago and I LOVE IT! God is doing some absolutely amazing things in my life right now, and I have never been this close to Him. Perry preached about our next steps a couple of weeks ago and that night I got on my knees and asked God to tell me what my next step was. It's amazing what He will tell you if you just ask. We are told throughout our lives that all we have to do is pray about things and it will get better. What I never realized until recently is that prayer should not be a monologue, but a dialogue as well. I've always talked to God without taking the time to listen to what He wants to tell me in return. Now that I've made a conscious effort to really communicate, He never stops speaking!

Nursing
There is nothing more important to me than knowing I am on the path that God has paved out for me. I'm at that point in my program that I am applying for summer externships and trying to get my name out there in preparation for job applications. It's crazy to think that after all of this, I will be a nurse in less than a year. I am so worried that I will not get one of the externships that I applied for, but I am trying to trust that God already knows my summer plans (and the plans for my future career, for that matter) and He has it under control. All that matters is that I do what He commands and trust that He will continue to pave the way.

Relationships
Oh boy. When I started putting myself out there and making new friends last year, I never prepared myself for all the ups and downs of friendship. I have made SO many new friends with so many amazing people, and with that comes the vulnerability that I may get hurt. Trust has always been an issue for me, which is why I have trouble realizing that just because there is disappointment and conflict doesn't mean you just quit. True friendship is about working through the conflict and coming out on the other side with a better understanding than when you entered. It's about accepting each other for who you are and being supportive even when you don't understand. With everything that has happened recently, I can't help but wonder if God is trying to teach me two lessons. One in trust and one in forgiveness.